Author: Debra Landwehr Engle
Publisher: Kensington Books
Publication Date: January 2020
Genre: Women’s Fiction
Buy The Book: Amazon | BN | Audible
Description: At age fifty-five, Meg’s life is too filled with loss for her to remember what magic feels like. All she has left is a yard brimming with plants that are wilting in the scorching Iowa summer—and a bone-deep feeling that she’s through with living.
Meg has something else too: a bottle of mysterious pills, given to her years ago by an empathetic doctor. He promised that they would offer her dying mother a quick, painless end in exactly twenty days. Though her mother never needed them, Meg does. But a strange thing happens after Meg swallows the little green pearls . . .
Now that she’s decided to leave this world, Meg is rediscovering the joy in it. She sheds everything she no longer needs—possessions, regrets, guilt—and reconnects with those she cares for. Finally confronting the depth of her grief, she’s learning that love runs deeper still. But is it too late to choose to stay?
My Thoughts: Twenty by new to me author Debra Landwehr Engle offers up a huge serving of Murphy’s Law and got me right in the feels. This story introduces the reader to Meg. At age fifty-five, she’s seen plenty of tragedy, loss and heartbreak in her life. Her father died when she was a child, her own child died at ten years old which also ended her marriage and five years ago, her beloved mother passed away. Her days run together between working at a flower shop and trying to keep the plants and flowers at her home alive during a horrific drought. She is fighting what feels like an uphill battle. Meg feels no joy and decides she is done with life.
Before her mother passed away, Meg went to her mother’s doctor for advice on making her mother’s suffering minimal. He gave her a bottle of pearl like pills that when taken would give her mother a pain free death in twenty days. Meg’s mother passed away before the pills were administered and they have been sitting in Meg’s freezer, almost forgotten, for the past five years.
Meg misses her parents and her daughter and wants to see them again. She doesn’t feel like she has anything good left to experience in this life and is done. She takes the pills and begins a journey of putting her house in order, literally and figuratively. Everything from cleaning out all the closets and the entire house and traveling to Seattle to see her sister and family one last time to seeing her ex-husband, Joe for clarity and closure. This story chronicles Meg’s days since taking the pills and the transformation that occurs in Meg’s life. Now that she has twenty days left, she begins to see the magic and beauty that can be found in life. She also wonders if the pills will really work.
I wondered the same thing or if the pills were just a placebo given to Meg by an empathetic doctor trying to give a woman peace of mind while caring for her dying mother. The pills have been sitting in a freezer all these years, so anything is possible.
I kept wondering what I would do if I knew I only had twenty days left. How would I spend that time? I admired Meg’s courage to confront her grief and deal with it once and for all, but I was also saddened that it took her decision to accelerate the time she has left to do it. I loved this story but it brought me no closure or easy answers, other than we all need to look outside of ourselves and chase after the magic and joy life has to offer before it’s too late.
The author does an amazing job of bringing Meg’s story to us. I felt so much empathy and compassion for this woman. I tried very hard not to judge her harshly, but I was so sad that she wanted to finish her life. I also loved the supporting characters of Meg’s ex-husband and her sister.
My Final Verdict: Overall, this is a very thought-provoking book that will make the reader feel all the feels as they walk this path with Meg. I highly recommend this story to readers of women’s fiction as well as readers that like stories that are multi-dimensional, where not everything is black or white, right or wrong.
Thank you to the publisher, Kensington Books, who provided an advance reader copy via NetGalley.
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